funny quotes on women

If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron. ~Lee Trevino


History balances the frustration of "how far we have to go" with the satisfaction of "how far we have come." It teaches us tolerance for the human shortcomings and imperfections which are not uniquely of our generation, but of all time. ~Lewis F. Powell, Jr.


Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed. ~Mark Twain


Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made. ~Roger Caras


Unfortunately, it is also true that the age's interests often color the past with unhistoric hues. ~Wendell H. Stephenson


It's the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time. ~Tallulah Bankhead


A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. ~Arnold Haultain


That son of a bitch was able to hole a putt over 60 feet of peanut brittle. ~Lloyd Mangrum, about Bobby Locke


Habit is a second nature which prevents us from knowing the first, of which it has neither the cruelties nor the enchantments. ~Marcel Proust


Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~Doug Larson


I used to love night best but the older I get the more treasures and hope and joy I find in mornings. ~Terri Guillemets


To my mind, the life of a lamb is no less precious than that of a human being. I should be unwilling to take the life of a lamb for the sake of the human body. ~Mahatma Gandhi


At the base of it was the urge, if you wanted to play football, to knock someone down, that was what the sport was all about, the will to win closely linked with contact. ~George Plimpton


Glory is largely a theatrical concept. There is no striving for glory without a vivid awareness of an audience. ~Eric Hoffer, The True Believer, 1951


We may sit in our library and yet be in all quarters of the earth. ~John Lubbock


Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago. ~Bernard Berenson, Notebook, 1892


Skipping exercises your happiness muscles. ~Jessi Lane Adams


Following straight lines shortens distances, and also life. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin


I... recommend to every one of my Readers, the keeping a Journal of their Lives for one Week, and setting down punctually their whole Series of Employments during that Space of Time. This kind of Self-Examination would give them a true State of themselves, and incline them to consider seriously what they are about. One Day would rectifie the Omissions of another, and make a Man weigh all those indifferent Actions, which, though they are easily forgotten, must certainly be accounted for. ~Joseph Addison, 1712


Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. ~Matthew 26:41