funny quotes about love and friendship

I love America. It's Americans I can't stand. ~Attributed to both Charles Shultz and Bill Maher


Spring is sooner recognized by plants than by men. ~Chinese Proverb


A crying baby is the best form of birth control. ~Carole Tabron


The first fall of snow is not only an event, it is a magical event. You go to bed in one kind of a world and wake up in another quite different, and if this is not enchantment then where is it to be found? ~J.B. Priestley


I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws. ~Charles Baudelaire


You know you live in Phoenix when you are willing to park 3 blocks away because you actually found shade from a palm tree imported 300 miles from California and nurtured with water piped 250 miles from Nevada. ~Author Unknown


In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant. ~Charles de Gaulle


The art of quotation requires more delicacy in the practice than those conceive who can see nothing more in a quotation than an extract. ~Benjamin Disraeli


The mark of a successful man is one that has spent an entire day on the bank of a river without feeling guilty about it. ~Author Unknown


Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. ~Thomas a' Kempis


No one gossips about other people's secret virtues. ~Bertrand Arthur William Russell, On Education, 1926


When we think of the past, we forget the fools and remember the sage. We reverse the process for our own time. ~George Boas


Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859


At sixteen I was stupid, confused and indecisive. At twenty-five I was wise, self-confident, prepossessing and assertive. At forty-five I am stupid, confused, insecure and indecisive. Who would have supposed that maturity is only a short break in adolescence? ~Jules Feiffer


You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims. ~Harriet Woods


Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. ~P. J. O'Rourke


What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense. ~Mark Twain


Does the father figure in your cat's life ever clean the litter box? My husband claims that men lack the scooping gene. ~Barbara L. Diamond


The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. ~H.L. Mencken


Artists are just children who refuse to put down their crayons. ~Al Hirschfeld